


Are You Kidding?

by TheMightyZan



Category: Super Mario Bros.
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 05:39:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3108140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMightyZan/pseuds/TheMightyZan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who ever said Mario had to be happy about saving the princess?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You Kidding?

He was too old for this shit.

Too old, and far too out of shape.

He huffed as he climbed over yet another green pipe, his gaze riveted to the dark hole in the center of it as he skirted the edge and half fell, half jumped from the other side. What kind of place had random pipes sticking up everywhere? Especially ones that, when not a hole to doom, were filled with mutant plants that had teeth as long as his arm.

There was something seriously wrong here. The place was filled with the giant man eating plants, and angry looking mushrooms and turtles that hurt to just _touch_. You had to jump on them. Jump. On. Them. Like you were some sort of deranged kangaroo.

Not to mention the fact that the very land he was standing on dropped off into nothingness after only a scant few feet on either side.

He didn't even want to think on how they were being held up.

He stopped to catch his breath then scowled up at the floating blocks in front of him, and the empty expanse under them that he could only assume lead to someone falling forever, because it didn't seem to have a discernable bottom.

Sick, twisted, death trap of a world.

He still wasn't sure why he was here. Something about rescuing a princess of the little toadstool people he had met… though he couldn't be sure they weren't just sadists who took unsuspecting people and forced them to run this death maze for their viewing pleasure.

He made a rude gesture towards the air, just in case.

Clamoring onto the floating platform he took the required few steps that it took to launch high enough into the air to land with a sickening smoosh on the mushroom that waddled crazily toward him. He gave a useless swipe to the goo that clung to his pants and shoes after he stepped out of the pile of mash that used to be a creature, and forced back the bile that rose in his throat at the smell that wafted up from it.

He tumbled back down to the ground again, his large belly rolling as he tried to keep his balance. He made it the rest of the way down the brick lined path, moving ever closer to the stairs he could see in the distance, and wondered why anyone would think that he would be any good at saving anybody.

All he wanted was to be back home, in his nice worn out easy chair, drinking a beer. Maybe if he closed his eyes and wished for it hard enough it would happen.

No such luck.

He finally made it to the stairs, and moved up them, only to coming to a stumbling stop as he saw that they ended in air, and that there was a flag pole, with a cheerily dancing flag, a few feet away from him.

All he could think was, 'you have got to be kidding me'.

He noted the small castle just beyond the flagpole, and hoped to God that it was his final destination.

He didn't know how much more of this he could take.

Rolling his eyes, he took a lumbering jump at the flimsy pole, hitting too hard and scrambling for purchase before sliding down fast enough to friction burn his hands. He landed with a woosh of air, pain shooting up from his butt to his back as it made contact with the hard ground. He watched, dazedly, as the flag slid down gracefully behind him.

Fireworks shot into the air, and he could have sworn he heard music playing in the distance.

Scowling, he pushed himself up and limped slowly towards the waiting castle, one word making its way through his mind.

Assholes.


End file.
